Social expectations dominate a younster's existence. I invite you to check out the following website. www.ci.manhattan-beach.ca.us/Index.aspx?page=1063 This is a prime example of the expectations adults in businesses put on young children. Children must sign in and out. They must stay in assigned areas. The child must have a friend around to do anything. Adults are even limiting the amount of time in the bathroom, or even getting a drink of water. I understand that a child must have set rules, but in some instances I believe that authority figures go to far.
The social expectation of children that is my biggest pet peeve is, "Children should be seen, but not heard." Adults used to say this to me a lot as I was growing up. I felt this was insulting. I was a person, too. Children are always making noise. If you tell them to be quiet, the silence lasts less than one minute. Children have short attention spans. After a short amount of time they will start to fidget. Noise from children is inevitable.
I was at a doctor's office waiting for an appointment. In the waiting room, a mother was unsuccessfully trying to calm her crying baby. Her attempts did not fathom the distressed infant. I felt sorry for her. All around us, I could hear angry patients whispering. "I wish she would shut that kid up! Listen to that screeching!" I knew that if I could hear the disturbing whispers, that she heard them, also. She ended up leaving the room. The crying could still be heard faintly in the background. I was annoyed when people still seemed to be upset with the distant noise. Didn't they realize their groaning, mumbling, and clucking tongues were just as noisy as the crying child?
Churches also single out innocent children. Pews are set aside in the back for "parents with young children." I had to bite my tongue about this when my daughters were younger. I was told that this was so other worshipers could hear the minister. Hah! The minister wore a microphone. He could be heard outside the church, and down the block. I always felt that these were God's children, and He enjoyed hearing them. It did not matter how loud the were. My husband and I refused to sit in the last two rows. Our children were respectful to the people around them, and played quietly. If they got too energetic, we would take them outside.
Fast food restaurants have the right idea. They are building playgrounds for kids to run off their extra energy. It is also a great way to socialize with others. As a mother, I wish family orientated sit down restaurants would build a play area. Kids could be playing instead of sitting quietly and respectfully.
Those who say "Children should be seen, but not heard," must not have children. If they do, they are probably impatient and harsh with their offspring. I say, let the kids be heard. They have an assortment of ideas to talk about, and an abundance of ways to express themselves. It may be important, nonessential, or funny. May no child ever feel left out.
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This "seen not heard" has been around forever. Ive heard my parents use it with my nieces and nephews. Its not that they should be completely queit but be respectful when others are present. Yes, we all love the little kid(me) who called the lady a fat pig during her presentation but it was inappropriate. We must teach our children when to speak and when not to. In church, they most likely reserve the back rows for parents with children so that is your child does start crying outloud, it doesnt distract others as you kindly walk outside. Why sit in the middle of the church with a crying baby and then try and get up crossing through 20 people?
ReplyDeleteChildren should be heard. Ive noticed that if adults talk and interact with their children more, the children become educated quicker. My mom started a pre-school about 7 years ago. Her success has grown so much. The interaction with the little ones are great and make a big difference in their lives.
I totally agree! The whole "Children should be seen and not heard" is very old school in my opinion. I think that these days children have discovered more freedoms and new discoveries have made new parenting styles possible. I think that children being heard is not a problem, however when children are going out of control in a public place, I truly think that somebody of authority should take control. Obviously, it would not be ok for kids to burst out in random play in the middle of a church, or public place like it.
ReplyDeleteI always find your posts to be so interesting. I don't have kids but I still like to see your view about parenting. I'm glad to say I have never heard "Children should be seen, but not heard." I have a large family with many children in it. Most of the children are respectful but even the most respectful children make noise. Playing, interacting, and questioning help children learn. Anyone who silences them is just limiting their learning process.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the right approach with the example of the playground at the McDonalds. Children should be catered to just like any other group of people such as the elderly. I do feel that in some situations, children should not be allowed to be rowdy. I am not religious and have never been to church but I can't imagine how I would feel if a screaming kid is interrupting the priest in a place of worship. I feel that there is a right time and place. The parents are ultimately the ones responsible for their children's actions and if they are disturbing others, the children should be taken elsewhere. No child should be left out of being heard anywhere, it is only when they are out of hand that they should be not be in certain places.
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