7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Becoming a teen is a stressful time for both the teenager and the parents. Teenagers have reached the point where they must take responsibility for their actions. Consequences must be paid in each decision that is made. Parents have reached the point where they must lead and teach their child what is right and explain what makes decisions wrong. This is the time to influence your offspring toward effectiveness and success.

First of all, being proactive is a good lesson to teach. Everyday a person has the choice to be proactive or reactive. Reactive people act on impulse, while proactive responses are based on values. Reactive personalities will explode once the pressure builds up. In the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens," written by Sean Covey, reactive episodes are described as shaking up a can of soda, and then opening it up. Covey urges teens to be proactive. He wants teenagers to think before they respond to a situation. He says that proactive personalities are like water shaken up. When opened, it does not fizz, bubble, or have pressure. Proactive language includes "I will" instead of "I'll try." "I can" is part of proactive language. Teens are encouraged to turn setbacks into triumphs. When my daughter tells me she can't do her homework, I tell her she can do it. She needs to take her time, and think positively.

Second, teens must begin a project with an end in mind. Covey says to create a blueprint of what you want to achieve. A teen who knows what they want will set a path for getting there. My daughter needs to take this time to think about college, friends, dating, the choice not to use drugs or alcohol, and what position she wants to take in the community. As her mother I need to urge her to make the right decisions. Children at this age are ready for child-parent talks. Don't be embarrassed, or shy about telling the truth. Include the bad choices in your conversation, and let your child know the consequences of the wrong decisions. This will hopefully prevent them from making the wrong choice. Covey records that becoming a teen is a crossroad in a child's life. He suggests that teenagers write a mission statement to follow.

The third habit is to put first things first. According to the book, roadblocks tend to get in the way, preventing people from getting places. An effective teen uses a planner to schedule events during the week. This is an OK idea, but I can't imagine my daughter being able to find this book in her messy room! If you feel the planner is good for your child, have them put in order urgent and important events. They can cross off each activity as it is completed. Time management is important, but remind your teen that schedules can be adaptable. Kids need to be comfortable, and in their "zone."

Thinking win-win is next on the list. Win-win is the idea that everybody can win. Suppose you teen needs the car one night, but you need to get groceries. By getting your food before your teen takes the car, a win-win situation has taken place. Competition and comparison are the evil twins to win-win strategies. The way they dress is the number one comparison that is stressing out teenagers. Covey warns teens not to get pulled into win-lose situations. He states that if both parties can't win, don't get involved.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. You can't respect and value others until you first respect and value yourself. It is wise to use good judgement when evaluating events. Listen to what others have to say before making an assessment. When my daughter spaces out, pretends to listen, is selective with what she wants to hear, picks out only certain words, or is self centered, she is being a poor listener. The author advises that you listen with you eyes, heart, and ears. He wants you to put yourself in the other person's shoes. In my case, I feel that my daughter is too upset with me to put on my shoes. She would rather push me out of my shoes. Hers are too small for me! I am the adult! Covey says to practice mirroring. Whatever you say, your child will repeat back in their own words. Make sure they include their feelings. Good communication leads to understanding between the parents and the teenager.

Two or more people working together to create a better situation, leads us to effective habit number six. The book called this "synergize." Don't go through life solo. There are always people around to help out. Everybody has different opinions. The world exists through diversity. The best solution may involve a mix of ideas from many people.

Finally, we conclude with sharpen the saw. Teens need time to relax. Maintaining a healthy diet, educating the brain, building an emotional personality, and increasing spirituality is essential in a well balanced teenager. Time alone will allow a teen to meditate and relieve stress.

Covey dictates in his book seven habits for an effective teen. I want my daughter to be successful and effective. I will be available to answer any questions she has, but I believe in the live and learn method. I hope learning from her mistakes, my daughter will become strong and independent in her motivations and beliefs. I don't want to give the wrong impression. I intend to teach my daughter a few of Sean Covey's ideas, but I know it will take her some time to learn and understand them. Her sassy, preteen attitude is going to be the hardest task to overcome in order to be proactive. Listening can also be a problem. At her age, if things are not her way, they are wrong. She doesn't want to hear anything, unless she wants to. All I can do is hope for my daughter to continue down the road to becoming an effective teenager.